We Have Ways of Making You Talk

I had originally planned for today to be all about my DIY/homemade health projects. That post is still coming, but I am too excited by other things to focus on it right now.

I got contacted this morning by not one, but two groups interested in possibly employing me!

If that sounds highly qualified, it is. I'm at the very early stages with both, just setting up phone interviews. But that's still the most positive feedback I've gotten about my resume in a long time, so I'm feeling pretty good. Especially considering that before going to bed last night I touched up my old receptionist resume, intending to look for jobs in other fields because SLP didn't seem to be cutting it.

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But it worked out (maybe) after all!

Then, I made a few phone calls and got some personal stuff taken care of that I've been putting off a while. More to come about that (much) later. So I just really feel productive and good today, and I wanted to share my happy, floaty feelings with all of you. Be happy and floaty, too!

Twilight & 50 Shades - Abuse part 3

Welcome back to PART 3!

For starters, who guessed the other abusive relationship in Frozen? It should be obvious: HANS and ANNA.

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I'll break this down quickly, because I think everyone recognizes how destructive Hans was, and we've got other stuff to get to! As we all know (because we all saw the movie, right?) Hans lies to Anna, manipulates her into agreeing to marriage after a frighteningly short time, and ultimately attempts to murder both her and her sister for his own ends. It was a brief relationship, but there can be no doubt that he's an abuser. And just generally a douche-canoe.

Let's move on to other representations of abuse in popular media. You know where this is going; it's in the title! Twilight and 50 Shades of Grey.

These have both been talked to death by people more articulate than I, but I still feel they are important to address because not only are they popular and mainstream, but they represent abusive partners as desirable. That is just horrifying. Yet it remains true that countless naive young women (and a creepy number of older gals who should know better) describe Edward and/or Mr. Grey as the ideal man.

Here's a list of signs of abuse (from the Mayo Clinic site):

Calls you names, insults you or puts you down

Prevents or discourages you from going to work or school

Prevents or discourages you from seeing family members or friends

Tries to control how you spend money, where you go, what medicines you take or what you wear

Acts jealous or possessive or constantly accuses you of being unfaithful

Gets angry when drinking alcohol or using drugs

Threatens you with violence or a weapon

Hits, kicks, shoves, slaps, chokes or otherwise hurts you, your children or your pets

Forces you to have sex or engage in sexual acts against your will

Blames you for his or her violent behavior or tells you that you deserve it

Countless people have pointed out that this is an almost exact description of how Edward treats Bella. He's definitely possessive and jealous, he isolates her from family and friends, constantly threatens her with violence (wanting to eat her) and blames it on her (because she smells so good and he just can't resist), and he controls their sex life independent of what she wants. But don't take my word for it, read the books with these points in mind. I'll let one of my favorite vloggers break it down for you as well.

It's no surprise, then, that a series of books that got their start as Twilight fan fiction also glorify abuse as a desirable quality. Oh yes, 50 Shades was originally a Twilight fan fic. Hopefully that will scare people away from taking it seriously, but the book shouldn't need any help in that regard. Not only does it glorify abuse in a similar track as Twilight, but it completely misrepresents BDSM (as based on reviews by those in the know and which really needs no further stigmatization, especially based on falsehoods) and is just really, really, really poorly written. Seriously, this POS is worse that even it's inspiration POS penned by Meyer.

There are others who know more about the topics discussed in 50 Shades, so we'll again turn to the experts.

both images courtesy of tickld.com

And finally, a review from an actually book reviewer (reviewist?) My favorite exert:
"I understand that it’s fantasy, but a twenty-one-year-old who’s never had – or even tried to have – an orgasm? A smoking hot, only-twenty-seven CEO making “one hundred-thousand dollars an hour,” a salary that easily trumps (pun intended) Bill Gates’s? Suspension of disbelief only goes so far outside of Aesop’s fables."

Again, the really scary part about all of this to me is how normalized it's becoming. Young women (and men) often don't know the warning signs of abuse when they first enter the dating/sexual/relationship world. That's part of the reason people often get into these relationships in the first place; they don't know what to look out for. We as a nation need better sex education for a LOT of reasons, and this is one of them. When books like Twilight and 50 Shades get published and popular and made into movies, these young innocents who don't have any experience and don't know how to recognize the more subtle signs of abuse (though many in the books aren't all that subtle) think that what they are reading about/watching represents, not just a normal relationship (wrong!), but an epic romance (also wrong!). There are a lot of lies our movies and books feed us that give us unrealistic expectations when entering the romantic scene, but this has got to be the worst. These books are advertising for abuse. They are telling people (specifically girls, as both "protagonists" are female) that they can only find true love, fairy tale, Romeo & Juliet (don't get me started on that farce), epic romance type of love if they let their partner abuse them. It's sick, and it's deeply frightening.



This is the part 3 of a multi-part series about abuse, addressing my personal experience, representations in media, and general information. Additions to the series will be published on Saturdays. Find part 1 here and  part 2 here.

The next installment in the series will cover the pattern and stages of abuse. Find part 4 here and  part 5 here.

30 Before 30 - Check In

My dear friend, Mrs. Wilson, inspired me to create this list when she created her own. Now, her blog has inspired me to check in with my progress on it. I've created a separate post with the original list as posted on Facebook before I started blogging again, so check that if you're curious about the rationale for my list items.

1.     Get married. I'm now engaged, so we're getting closer!

2.     Have a kid. Waiting for the wedding, but again, since I'm engaged I'm getting closer on this one.

3.     Sell my crafts. Grad school and job searching haven't given me much time to focus on this. I did sell a cake last summer, so... that's something.

4.     Learn to sew. I haven't even begun to address this. I've repaired a few buttons, but nothing major.

5.     Learn more about my car. I've sort of resisted doing this with my current car because I hope not to have it much longer, but I have learned a little more about cars in general since helping my boyfriend FIANCE fix his brakes.

6.     Own a newer car. Gotta get a job first!

7.     Stop renting. Again, a job will be necessary.

8.     Get a pet (or pets). Got a puppy! I still want a cat, but I'm checking this one off as accomplished!

9.     Blog. Look at where we are! Check-a-rooni.

10. Keep a journal regularly. I've decided I do indeed want this to be separate from my blog so it can be a little more casual/personal. That said, I've moved and don't have all my stuff with me, including my journal. I'm too cheap to buy one when I know I have one already. It's a temporary stalemate.

11. Write every day. Getting closer with blogging slightly more often than every other day (plus I often write posts on days off so they're ready to go later). Gotta do more.

12. Finish a book. This is probably part of how I'll accomplish #11, but I still haven't started.

13. Read the Bible. Sigh. Nope. Nothing yet.

14. Create art. Like so many things on this list, I'm waiting until I have a job and therefore disposable income to devote to supplies for this kind of thing. Plus, it'd really work better in my own place and I'm still staying with family at the moment.

15. Start a bonsai. Again, again, don't have my own place to put it just yet.

16. Get close to someone. I got pretty close with some grad school people, and this will also probably be easier now that I live closer to my undergrad buds.

17. Let go. Blogging has been really helpful in this regard. I don't know that I'll ever not be upset about some things, but I've made a lot of progress so this one gets checked off.

18. Get my Associate’s Degree in ASL. Yeah... will also depend on employment and cost. I want to do it but I might let this one slide for a few extra years.

19. Travel. Honeymoon will be the first step!

20. Attend Comic Con/BlizzCon/cons in general. I've been to GMX and MTAC now (didn't care for MTAC) and might be going to Blizzcon this year? But I will definitely be hitting SDCC next summer.

21. Start taking violin/voice lessons. Money, money, money. Gotta have some to pay for all these goals!

22. Diet and exercise. I've gone low carb, and also sporadically do yoga and P90X with my fiancé, so I'm making progress. I'll wait to check this off until I'm a little more consistent with the work outs.

23. Become a cook. I'm just not comfortable cooking in other people's homes, even if I live there, so this has been put on hold.

24. Work as an SLP. Currently my biggest annoyance, TRYING TO FIND A JOB. Geez, my various teachers and supervisors talked like people would be begging me to come work for them but I've had nothing in 3 months.

25. Pay off student loans. Haven't started, need a job... 

26. Take Dave Ramsey’s financial peace course. I feel like I need an income before this would be helpful.

27. Tattoos! Also requires money. Geez, I should have picked some cheaper goals!

28. Gaming. I'm pretty pumped about the release of Garden Warfare for PS4, does that count?

29. Learn how to style myself. I've figured out how I want to handle my hair, and after some research, I've discovered that what I do for make-up is pretty much how it's supposed to go, so I'm calling this done.

30. Cut my hair. Think I'll keep it long until the wedding, but after, it's on!

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Not bad, 4 done in about half a year. I think they'll check off faster once I start earning.