Let It Go - Abuse part 1

I know, I know, SHUT UP ABOUT FROZEN ALREADY! Right? Here's the thing, guys, people spend a lot of time watching/discussing/obsessing about that movie because it had a crap ton of interesting messages ripe for dissection. You don't have to love the story, the characters, or the music, but it's pretty groundbreaking (for Disney) in a lot of ways.

Specifically, we're going to talk about abuse.

I know I'm not the first to address this topic in reference to Frozen, nor will I be the last or the most articulate. But I still find it to be one of the more overlooked themes, probably because a lot people think it's not one. They think those of us who point out the abusive relationships in the film are reading too much into it or taking it too seriously. And I can't really disagree that we might be seeing things in the film not intended by Disney. To me, however, that makes it all the more disturbing. Like the Twlight Saga or the the 50 Shades of Gray books, we're presented with yet another wildly popular story about abuse that most people don't recognize as abuse. These shows how little many people know about it's warning signs. What's worse, in the case of Twilight and 50 Shades, it teaches readers to glorify abuse, and see those warning signs and those relationships as good things, something that should be sought out instead of ended, but I digress, and fortunately, that's not the case in Frozen.

Before we move forward, should you be that one guy living under a rock who hasn't yet seen the film, be aware that there are SPOILERS! ahead, so read at your own risk.

The first time I heard the song "Let It Go," was when a friend of a friend posted the YouTube video to Facebook.

Still gives me chills!

The song immediately struck a chord with me. Actually, it straight up punched me in the stomach and knocked the wind out of me. I hadn't seen the movie yet, and in fact, didn't even know it existed at that point. But one listen to this song and I was in tears, struggling to catch my breath. Why? Why did it affect me so strongly? I spent some time reading over the lyrics, analyzing them, and saw the movie (by which point I'd listened to this piece often enough I could sing along during the film). I finally put it together. We all know, and have talked to death, how great a song this is for young people (especially girls) because it is all about empowerment and accepting and embracing who you are regardless of what others might think. That's all true, but for me, this song is about escape. It's about freedom. It's about finally breaking free of the mental hold of her childhood abuse.

(source)

Some of you may have read that last sentence with shock. Sure, Elsa had a sad and difficult childhood, but she wasn't abused. She was, though. Her parents loved her dearly, and may have thought that their actions were justified in an attempt to protect both their daughters, but they emotionally abused Elsa. They spent years talking her into hiding something that was a fundamental part of her being (specifically her powers, but this could be viewed as a metaphor for a lot of things). They convinced her that the very thing that made her special and wonderful was something about which she should be ashamed and fearful. Something she had to hide. They isolated her from everyone in her kingdom, and even encouraged her to stay away from, and lie to, other family members. This cage they forced her to build around her heart had such a strong hold on her that even after her parents' deaths, she was terrified of herself. Terrified that doing or saying the wrong thing at the wrong moment could end her life. She still couldn't let it go.

**pauses for applause at using post title naturally in body of post**

It took her sister, forcing a confrontation (which is not the right way to approach victims of abuse, a topic we'll address later) for her to admit the truth about the situation. So when Elsa sang that song, it was not just about being herself, or letting go of her power and enjoying it. It was about letting go of those chains placed on her by her parents's abuse and her fear. It was Elsa finally recognizing that she could be free.

(source)

I have been the victim of abuse. I have felt myself, despite being now years removed from the experience, holding back, biting my tongue, and settling for what I don't want because those are the habits I developed to survive and they are so deeply ingrained in me, it's hard to recognize them for what they are. When I heard that song, it was symbolic to me that I could let go of the fear. I could do those things that used to earn me punishment, that used to set off his anger, because that wasn't the world I lived in any more. 

However, as we saw for Elsa, just deciding to get over it and let go isn't really enough. There was still work to be done, both within herself and in her kingdom. The same is true for real life victims of abuse. I don't live with the daily risk abuse anymore, but the fallout is still with me, like the habits I mentioned above, and to some degree always will be. 

This is the beginning of a multi-part series about abuse, addressing my personal experience, representations in media, and general information. Additions to the series will be published on Saturdays.

The next installment in the series will cover the other abusive relationship in Frozen (bonus points if you can guess it, it's pretty obvious!), and how abuse isn't over just because it's over. Find part 2 here, part 3 here, part 4 here and  part 5 here.