Goddamn 2017. Who thought we could top 2016 for awfulness,
but so far we’re managing!
But first, since my posting was so sparse (non-existent?) last
year, let’s play a bit of catch-up. In 2016, I had a wedding:
Got pregnant:
Went to SDCC and met my favorite people in the world:
Went to Blizzcon for the 3rd time:
Moved twice:
And just generally had a pretty kick-ass personally despite
the giant turd pile that was our election.
In 2017, I had a baby:
I freaking love this kid. It’s seriously a bit disturbing
how obsessed I am with her. But after all, she’s the cutest baby in the
universe so it’s not really surprising.
None of that changes the fact that it’s already been a
really tough year. This child is the most beautiful creature, but getting her
here was very difficult on me financially, physically, and emotionally. Today
was particularly challenging for a variety of reasons I won’t get into now, and
my first instinct was to post about it on more traditional social media,
reaching out to my friends for support.
But I stopped. I didn’t.
I mentioned pregnancy was difficult on me, right? In
defiance of all “What to Expect” wisdom, my second trimester was the worst. I
was exhausted, in pain, and emotionally drained. I felt awful pretty much all
of the time and on top of everything else I had the stress of moving for the
second time 6 months and starting new jobs after months of no work. At the
time, I sought refuge in friends and loved ones. I complained a lot because I
felt like I had a lot to complain about. I was looking for support from people
who cared about me, and some who had been through something similar. I’m a firm
believer that you shouldn’t hide pain. Speaking about it honestly not only
gives your loved ones the opportunity to help you but it lets other who may be
going through the same know that they aren’t alone.
We shot that horse in the face. I was told by several people
to stop. Be quiet. You complain too much. Do you even want to be a mother? I
was accused of hating my child. I was laughed at and ignored.
As I said, I don’t believe silence really helps anything.
Maybe it works for some people - just wear a smile and think happy thoughts and
you’ll feel better! But I can’t just pretend I feel fine and turn it into the
truth. I need to share. As it turns out, that’s not welcome. So… silence it is. I guess I will swallow my truth.
