Wednesday, January 10, 2018

30 before 30 - Check in #3

  1. Get marriedGot married AND had a wedding a year and a half apart and still managed to get it in before 30!
  2. Have a kid. CHECK.
    Fell asleep sitting up lol

  3. Sell my crafts. I have sold cakes and even a couple of knitted items. I'm also thinking I'll start an Etsy shop this year for some of my crafts. That'll technically be after I turn 30, but I've already officially met this goal anyway. 
  4. Learn to sew. Yeah... naw. That's not going to happen beyond basic repairs. We have friends that make clothes so I may eventually learn some more significant skills but I DID teach myself to crochet last year so done-ish?
  5. Learn more about my car. From last time: I actually feel pretty good about this and am calling it DONE... for my current vehicle. I've gotten several diagnoses correct in the past and know how to check all the fluid levels (and replenish them), etc. Plus, Husband is a good back-up in this area. 
  6. Own a newer car. Holy crap, I never got to tell this story! We actually had to buy a new car 2 days after the wedding so I now drive a 2016. I'll tell the full debacle later this week. It's pretty spectacular. 
  7. Stop renting. Not going to happen. Again, we're not exactly renting now but we're also not owners. (Should have phrased this one differently.) However, Husband recently had an exciting job change so we are looking at purchasing in the next couple of years. Bonus, since we did take a bit longer, several negatives on our respective credit reports are going to roll off and we should be able to get a much better mortgage rate. So I'm okay with this situation. 
  8. Get a pet (or pets). My two oldest children love their new sister!
  9. BlogI'm working on consistency, but this is technically done. 
  10. Keep a journal regularly. Just got my bullet journal for this year! This one is actually an ongoing habit so it'll never really be done but I'm saying I've met my goal. 
  11. Write every day. I probably should have phrased this one differently, too, since I mean write something for myself. I do write every day, though!
  12. Finish a book. Also not going to happen. I'll roll it to the next list, but with kids in the picture now... Unless I can quit my day job I'm not sure it'll ever happen honestly. I won't stop trying!
  13. Read the Bible. Forgot again! It's not going to happen before 30 but I decided I kind of don't care? So it's not met but it no longer matters. I'm scratching it off. 
  14. Create art. I painted a beautiful yarn bowl. Like, for real, it was gorgeous. Until my cat broke it. Nevertheless CHECK!
    It was seriously beautiful and I used
    it when I made the baby blanket :D
  15. Start a bonsai. I really should have been checking in more because I straight forgot a bunch of these... I do want to plant more so this will probably roll over to my 40s list and turn into "start a garden."
  16. Get close to someone. I've put a lot of effort into being a better friend. I'm sure there is a lot more I could improve on, but I feel like I've made enough progress to call this one DONE. 
  17. Let go. I'm doing a lot better in 2018 and I finally asked for a therapy referral AND I finally have insurance that covers it! I'm excited to start and I'm calling this one as DONE as it can be at this point. 
  18. Take a course in ASL. Not a formal course, but I actually have picked up a lot via work, Switched at Birth (seriously, it's a decent crash course in some basics if you pay attention) and using baby sign with the kid. 
  19. Travel. This is another one that's actually probably a lifelong, ongoing goal. But we have been all over the country together so I'm calling it done. 40s list will probably specify leaving the country.
  20. Attend Comic Con/BlizzCon/cons in general. We've attended MTACGMX, Blizzcon, and SDCC! We're also going to DragonCon this year!
  21. Start taking violin/voice lessons. I definitely should have cut some of these learning based ones... I've only got so much time, I can't be taking so many lessons! Not going to happen, and I'm checking it off because it's just not important to me anymore. 
  22. Diet and exercise. We've gotten a lot better at our house in general about cutting out a lot of processed foods (helps to be poor!) as well as going low carb. I do need to get more physically active. Hauling a baby around counts, right?
  23. Become a cook. From last time: DONE! I'm always going to be learning new recipes, but I know my way around the kitchen and am comfortable just throwing things together and making it a meal.
    Mushroom, spinach, and sausage lasagna.
    I made up this recipe so I'm pretty amazing.
  24. Work as an SLP. For a while now. I think I could even supervise!
  25. Pay more on student loans. I've been steadily reducing that total! I think I'll have them paid off by 40 (I freaking hope!) since my job allows some loan forgiveness after a few years. 
  26. Build some savings. Noooop! After both of us being unemployed several months, moving twice, and having a kid we kind of decimated what we had saved. We're back on track to set some aside though. 
  27. TattoosI don't have any new ones but I do still have six so I'm calling this done. I might give myself one for my birthday though... 
  28. Gaming. Listen, bro. I played D&D. My game cred is real. CHECK. 
  29. Learn how to style myself. DONE! 
  30. Cut my hairI've done both an undercut and a pixie and right now I have a pixie with and undercut and it's green! Check this one off!


Longer pixie with undercut and green now

I'm only missing 4 goals! Okay, so I fudged a few and crossed a couple off that I decided I didn't care about, but still. I'm pretty happy with that progress. 

Wednesday, January 3, 2018


One post per year, that's a good track record, right?

2017 was crap on a cracker, shit on a stick, a bitch on a bender. I'm so glad it's over because it did not go well.

2017 has been a year of failure. I failed consistently and often. My labor was a terrible experience. I failed at breastfeeding. It was demoralizing and painful. I failed at caring for myself and my family. I've struggled with PPD and no way to treat it. I've let my physical health slide for months until finally finishing the year so sick I still can't eat normally. For the second year in a row, we couldn't afford Christmas. I failed at work. I've been told many times that I'm not qualified to make what I believe I deserve by people who don't know me and a few who do. I've failed to speak out about issues that are important to me. I've failed to advocate for myself, my husband, and my daughter.

2016 was a hellacious year but at least I was doing something. 2017 has knocked the fight out of me. I hate that this is how I will remember the first year of my daughter's life. I hope in a year, I can look back and see that I've make progress, that I've gotten better. But history doesn't seem to favor that outcome.


I've decided that I'm going to be more proactive about it nonetheless. I hereby declare 2018 the year of self-care! And I'll start by:


My time wasted on people and organizations that don't care about me.

My time wasted arguing with self-centered jerks who aren't listening anyway.

My time wasted being angry about things that are over and done.

My time wasted on people who don't treat me with respect.

My time wasted tearing myself and my body down instead of caring for them.

I'd like to have a general resolution to focus on improving myself this year, specifically in terms of how I treat myself. I've spent many years working on being a better friend and more compassionate person in general and while I'm sure I can still improve a lot, I feel I've made good progress in that regard. But I've badly neglected myself. To that end, I will create specific monthly goals starting with this month, my birthday month!

January goals:
1. Research skin care options and start investing in them (including drinking water).
2. Explicitly target my mental health by finding a therapist.
3. Improved sleep hygiene: develop and implement a nighttime routine one step at a time.
4. Make my peace with turning 30 (therapy should help).

Each of those goals will be further broken down into concrete achievable steps that I will track in my bullet journal and post updates about here. At the end of the month, I'll keep what works and dump what doesn't. To that end I'll be rearranging some sections at the top that I no longer use (cough style me cough) and collecting this self-improvement quest there.


I miss writing so I'm really going to try to stay on top of my regular posting schedule again. Other things to look for soon: an update on 30 before 30 since I'm running out of time AND a birth story for my little girl.

2018 will be my year because I'll grab it by the throat and wrestle to the ground if it gives me any goddamn lip. I accept nothing less.