Adult Shaming

Ok, I know I'm probably not the first person to think of this, or use the term "adult shaming" but I'm in charge here so we can all just pretend I am. In any case, the thought popped into my head the other day how judgmental and arbitrary the qualifications are for being a "real adult." The thought popped into my head because immediately prior I had been thinking about how I needed to get up earlier in order to be a proper adult.

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When did this become a thing, exactly? Humans of all cultures have long had coming of age traditions. A certain ritual or milestone that, when completed, signaled to the world that you were "a man." (Seems like most are male-centric, but I'm dialing down the femi-rage today because that's not why we're here. Who am I'm kidding, that's ALWAYS why I'm here. Viva la revolucion!) But that's changed in modern times. Now, it's no longer a single event - those some of those traditions persist - it's a long, complicated checklist.

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I think it was intended as a step in the right direction. After all, the idea that you pass through a single magical instant and suddenly get grown is ludicrous. But we seem to have over-corrected. Instead of acknowledging that becoming at adult - read: responsible and functionally independent person - is a gradual process and that we are learning, growing and changing throughout our lives - including adulthood - we have simply created more rituals.

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You're not an adult until you purchase a major appliance

You're not an adult until you file taxes

You're not an adult until you file taxes using a form other than 1040EZ

You're not an adult until you work full-time

You're not an adult until you get married 

You're not an adult until you have a baby

have a house

get up before 8

have insurance

pay your own phone bill

are responsible for a life other than your own

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And on and on the list goes. I've heard all of the above before, and I've even parroted some - perhaps in other posts. My friends and I almost constantly go back and forth sharing things like "I've started getting up early to exercise, look at all the adulting I'm doing!" But in the same vein, we're hard on ourselves and others if they haven't achieved each item on this arbitrary and constantly shifting list. "I can't even remember to take a multi-vitamin. I'll never be a real adult..."

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Contrarily, you are also considered not a real adult if you maintain an interest in things that others deem childish. Things like video games, anime, board games, sci-fiction, fantasy, coloring, crafting, etc. This list of "childish pastimes" is similarly stupidly long and ever-changing depending on who you talk to. It's also completely ridiculous. Just because you developed an interest when you were young doesn't make it childish. It means you still like to have fun, and had good taste even as a kid.

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Yes, because you can't party AND be an adult, obviously. Judgmental bitch!

It's not that any of the milestones mentioned above are insignificant, but they don't make you an adult. You know what makes you an adult? Reaching the summit of your physical growth. For humans, that's about 18 years. Trying to measure adulthood in terms of emotional, mental, or financial growth is unrealistic because those characteristics never become static, they never stop changing. And there is no magical combination of any of them that means you've achieved the pinnacle of your growth, that this is the best you'll ever be, you're done. So cut yourself some slack, accept that each year of life will bring new perspective and maturity regardless of age, and be kind to your peers. After all, we're all adults here.

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And if you've lived this long, you're already winning!